Answers You Need But Don’t Always Want
Updated: Aug 17, 2018
Sometimes I really do wonder at what the friend who has a casual relationship with me thinks about me. Maybe the top thoughts that run through their mind if my name is mentioned. I am so interested in this because I can, with almost full certainty, say that if I were to guess at this, I would name completely different things than my casual friends would ever think as points of struggle. The struggles I hide are the struggles I am made most vulnerable by. To point them out is to say that I don’t have my life as “together” as I would like it to be, there are pieces missing from the board. My consistent single status is one of those pieces. If I had to name the number 1 thing I struggle with in my relationship with the Lord, it would be my singleness. I hate it. I am confused by it, I am made vulnerable to insecurities by it, I’m sick of it.
For as long as I can remember I have been very driven toward building in my life. After all, success doesn’t just happen overnight in most situations. To find success you must first find the dream, then work and have the commitment to stick to your goals. I have big dreams, I always have, and there is no exception to that rule in my hopes for a love story. I see my future success in this area as requiring some work and not miraculously being a one hit wonder the first time. Leaving me with increased anxiety each year I get older and there is no real ground work to speak of. Anxiety allowed to build over time can be down right debilitating!
Enough time focusing on the problem, let's talk about answers! I feel as though God has put quite a bit of work into me in the way of teaching me to build up to my dreams. Refining me to reach for my dreams, but not expect success right away, pacing myself toward success, at times even redefining success. I know what it feels like when God is working on me, and there is a certain amount of excitement that I feel when He reveals an area to me that He is working on, because I know His work is always for my good and always produces some change in me —-> results. I have learned in many ways to take a deep breath and prepare for the climb. Refining moments can be tedious, but they are always worth it in the end.
For me there seems to be a different category for romantic relationships. My past history, the building concept, learning experiences, the confidence of growth and understanding, all of that deviates from the course when it comes to romantic relationships. To explain myself in the most direct of ways, this is because I simply haven’t had any. I have not been on more than 3 dates with any one guy, mostly of my own doing, but I made those choices based off of the peace of the Lord that I was praying for and lacking in each situation. So, what do you do when things just don’t seem to add up in life? You run, and I mean run, back to your source of strength and guidance in life. For me this looks like lots of time spent talking to God, and renewing my understanding of His promises + the truth that those promises do not change.
When the idea of a blog came up, I knew right away the I wanted it to be a forum that was, by its nature, more vulnerable and open. I work with high school girls as a teacher at my church, and I coach high school basketball, so I find myself being careful with “my girls” to always bookend moments of struggle in my own life with the hope of the Lord and the promise of His plan. In my life there have been so many moments of struggle that I can look back on and see God’s work in because those struggles are now closed files. I was challenged, I turned to the Lord, He answered with strength and guidance and there was eventually resolution. My conclusion is: God is faithful, always.
Even as I type this I can hear the voice in my head saying, “tsk tsk, you know God is using your singleness to teach you a lesson, and you just need to continue to trust Him.” I also know that voice to be absolutely right, but that does not mean that there aren’t moments of struggle where I question what God is doing and why He is taking so long to accomplish His plan. Those questions are natural, but they become very dangerous if we live in that space and dwell on them day after day. God invites us to unload the burdens of life on Him. To trust Him with the resolution of the struggle by trusting in the plan He has for you as His child. Ultimately that means taking your hands off of the problem and putting a stop to the desire to fix things yourself. If I am going to say that I want God’s plan for my life, I have to then take a further step in allowing Him to decide the exact reality that is given to me. Even when those moments are something I instinctively recoil from, because they are not on my list of wants.
Saying all that, I will say this. As a leader of young women who are growing and learning, I have to be careful about my free share in large groups. It is very easy for miscommunication to happen, and I would never want to mislead a life that I have been given a measure of influence in, towards doubt. I also hope to never be the person that always seems to have the right answer but in reality is just really good at hiding my actual struggles behind the false pretense of serenity. I definitely have moments of struggle. The beautiful thing in this equation in how capable God is of dealing with my doubts and moments of struggle.
What comes to your mind when you think about struggle? Maybe it’s time to unpack some thoughts before the Lord that you have been holding onto in hopes to “fix it”. If there is one thing I know for sure, it is this. God is listening for your voice, because He loves you so…